a word with Nemesis
Ok. Let me explain again. I just wanted to restore the balance. Arrange what had been done wrong and ship justice. Nothing else. I really just wanted him to feel. At least feel something, after all he had done.
Absolutely, I can see that maybe I went too far. But if you try to see everything from a larger perspective, I actually think you will see that it was quite reasonable, what I did. Plus minus zero. Still equilibrium. It looked grotesque, I know, but I only performed one single act while he himself ravaged around for several years. So if you try to put all his actions together, and then compare them to mine, you too will probably think that it was all fully and truly, truly deserved.
It wasn't that I was acting desperately either. I calculated and considered carefully for a long time. I promise you. As a specialist, I need to meticulously revise my thoughts, weigh any type of disadvantages with outputs and sincerely make sure that everything is performed correctly. You know what? It actually feels somewhat uneasy to talk about it all like this, as if I would hesitant. As if anyone else would hesitate and question my skills. I have always, yes always, worked extremely seriously. I feel worthy of the mission I was given.
You still don't understand? How do you want me to explain it better? This is actually a beautiful science and my own profession. I've spent my whole life investigating this. I will try to explain it to you so you can understand. Have a little patience. And no! I promise, I'm just as human as you. I also believe that most people are good and deserve respect. But there are also some hopeless cases and those are the ones I work with. Someone has to do it, don't you think? Ok, let me ask you this. How would you do it?
No, exactly. It's not that easy. Your silence proves the complexity of the issue. If no one does anything, these people continue to ravage around as they please and suddenly one of them stands in your doorway. Would you like it? No, I thought so. You probably wouldn't know what to do at all and it's precisely at that moment that these people are acting. Take over you, your soul and everything you have. Eat you up. Destroy you. And maybe not only you. But also everyone else who happens to be in your vicinity. You wouldn't like that would you? Exactly. So now you may start thinking that what I do seems more reasonable than before?
You can see me a bit as an expert, even though it sounds strange in this context. For many years I have studied the phenomenon, actions and approaches at the very best universities around the world. I have a solid resume and actually feel confident in my experience. I've done this so many times now that it's starting to become like a routine. But still not so much of a routine that I stop doing a thorough job because I know that is incredibly important. Absolutely necessary.
Lately, I may have felt lonely. After all, it is not an easy profession. I have to keep fit, it’s hard on the body. But also mentally, I have to stay afloat, never let myself be infected by the darkness I encounter. And that is probably the hardest thing. The darkness I face is enormous. Sometimes almost enticing with its infinity. A hugely stable core is required to withstand and not be pulled in. I have doubted my ability. But my calling was there, always there. And despite the solitary days, I regret nothing.
Sure! I'm angry. The anger floods over me. Yet it is an outstanding must for everything to follow the set plan I have. It's my tool. My power. Without it, nothing would be as it must be. It is the foundation of everything. For balance being created. For the courage I have. For the clear direction I have. The anger gives me a pattern of movement. An obvious bearing. It guides me. Creating equality requires everything. Anger is its foundation.
Photo by Mat Collishaw, 1990
