Savoir-faire

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted

The numerous things I’ve wanted. But never got. The many hopes I’ve had. But that got crushed. Complex and monstrous twirling thoughts get stuck in a tiring history of dreams I didn’t score.

Sometimes I concoct a life where I ended up in another dimension, in another story. I see a vivid me, a light life, in the best of worlds. I dream. But then someone steps through the door. Or a car passes outside. My phone rings. Or I realise I’m late for a meeting. The pragmatic sense of self arises.

Yet, it’s not a sombreness that lingers. It’s a volatile bundle of feelings that disappear as quickly as they appeared. Gratefully. The way my brain is wired is not of a dark modus. More like a dark matter, impossible to observe. Still, it’s there.

For every star, galaxy or dust cloud visible in space, there exists five times more material which is invisible – dark matter. 

My time will eventuate. It will slowly continue its path towards nothing and all. And even if against my will, experience will follow. Unwanted and unwished for, it grows inside of me. Creates a sense of grounded joy, or balance. The air of savoir-faire that make everyone else assume you live your dream.